when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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