Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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