you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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