oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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