We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
