I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
