ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize