It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
