I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
