HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
