Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I look better un-naked...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
