..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
