Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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