I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
