There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
