I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
