so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
