you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
