Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
