What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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