is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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