ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
