Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
