So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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