Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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