Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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