if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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