Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
