If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
