I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
