I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
