I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
