im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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