my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize