I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
