Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
