FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
