i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
