Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
