woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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