Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
