I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
