dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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