I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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