i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
