I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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