Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
