What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
