i don't like sucking hair
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
