Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's get the cat blown out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
