He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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