he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
