the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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