So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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