3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
