Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
