True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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