She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
