just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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