when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
