Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
