he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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