i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
