So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
