at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
