Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
