his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
