you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize