dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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